The importance of letting go

This post is about letting go – why we need to do it, and why it can be so difficult at times. The article also suggests one effective way to get into this light and accepting state of mind.

Whether or not you believe that our thoughts carry energetic weight, you probably can’t deny that they can affect how we feel about a situation. That’s exactly why letting go is so important. If you leave even a small crumble of unresolved anger inside, towards anybody, this seemingly insignificant feeling will soon snowball into a major blockage in the way you perceive others. 

That’s how we build up walls in relationships of all kinds – friendship, love and with family. A fraction of an unresolved negative emotion towards your dad, for example, can lead to a long-lasting distancing in this bond that could have been supportive and nurturing. If left unattended, these issues may take up such a large part of your life that you unknowingly start to attach negative emotions you have kept inside towards your father to other people you meet. One event for which you have held a grudge may cause trust issues, inability to maintain long loving relationships or lack of desire to communicate with men altogether – serious problems that may take a lifetime to resolve.

With so many other concerns in our daily lives, why would we want to build new ones for ourselves, when we can simply… let go? It’s not that easy, though. It is emotional work that no one else will do for you.

Holding on to past resentments, whether from a day or a decade ago, can hardly make any situation better. When I notice myself being unable to let go easily of a negative emotion, I remember a wise saying by the All-Knowing God of the Internet, Anonymous:

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to drop dead.”

This really makes it obvious how letting resentment little by little take away the pleasure of connecting with people from you is a waste.

That’s why forgiveness is really the best gift we can offer ourselves in a conflict with another person. To whole-heartedly forgive can be hard, especially when the person who hurt you cares little about apologising. Both asking for forgiveness and forgiving is an act of generosity of spirit – not everyone is ready for it, and it may take time to get yourself ready, but the effort will be rewarded. It is done to redeem a part of yourself from the other person – the part that you allow them to hold hostage by leaving the situation unresolved and not letting go.

When a piece of you is constrained by another, you feel it unmistakably. It may show by your uncontrolled hatred towards the other person if they hurt you, or guilt for putting them through pain if you’re the one who did the hurting. Either way, you can’t ignore that you feel different around them, and not in a good way. The only resolution I have found to this so far is letting go.

It’s the point when you no longer care whether your ex thinks of you, and what you should say to them if you run into each other in the street. Or when you are ready to hug your relative you haven’t spoken to in years, or at least have a small talk with them at the next family reunion.

How do you get there? The only way that’s worked for me is moving on. Immersing yourself fully in what you have going on now gives tremendous power to get un-stuck from past issues. You may have been given a valid reason to be angry, but now the choice is up to you – do you want to keep that anger as a keepsake and let the negativity snowball, destroying your relationships and giving more and more of your energy away to the conflict? Or do you want to let in a completely new chapter, with fresh faces and exciting experiences, to power through any hindrances of the past?

Letting go is not always easy, but it is a cornerstone of a harmonious life blessed with fulfilling relationships.

Enjoy your journey!

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