Not a victim

If you find yourself feeling like a victim of life circumstances at difficult times, or you know someone who does and want to help them, here’s a post for you! It includes a practical guide to switching from this mentality to more positive living with a sense of direction.

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If you find yourself feeling like a victim of life circumstances at difficult times, or you know someone who does and want to help them, here’s a post for you! It includes a practical guide to switching from this mentality to more positive living with a sense of direction.

In the previous post about using your power to make you happy, we touched upon the topic of how we sometimes beat ourselves up and victimise ourselves instead of changing our life for the better. Today, let’s talk a bit about how NOT to feel like a victim of life circumstances.

Life can be unfair. We are not all born equally healthy, prosperous and gifted. Instead, we usually have a set of positives and negatives to sort out, which is different from that of everyone around. You may be great at making money, but not too successful in making friends, so however much you earn you keep feeling like you have no one to share with. Or, you might constantly face issues with your or your loved ones’ health, which could also dampen appreciation of everyday life, even if it’s filled with caring people and exciting experiences.

Point is, it’s completely normal to not have every aspect of your life in perfect shape, but the fact that one part of it may be lacking (e.g. you need a better home or you want a partner) doesn’t have to ruin your perception of the whole multidimensional experience that is life. You can always decide to focus on the positives and deal with the negatives, if you want to. And even if the going gets tough and the bad things seem to outweigh the good by far, you have a choice of how to deal with it.

One option is to fall down and stay down. What may be the reason we sometimes do it is because we choose a passive stance in life – you observe what happens to you, go with the flow, and when you suddenly don’t like what the flow brings you and feel intimidated, you scream. We’ve all been there – complaining, crying, or just plain going through life without a smile on your face, because you don’t feel like there’s anything in your life to smile about.

It’s tough dealing with these times, and the fact nobody can fully comprehend what you are going through and how you feel makes it even worse. But this is the exact reason why YOU need to avoid giving up – because no one can get you through your issues but yourself. When we fall into victim mentality, however, we undermine our ability to come to our own aid. Behaviours like self-pity, giving into fear instead of fighting it, and waiting for someone to come and save us, or at least say “you poor thing”, do nothing but waste our precious time and energy. Those are the exact resources we need to put to good use if we want to get ourselves out of unpleasant scenarios and come back to leading an enjoyable life.

So, here’s an alternative – rise above the circumstances by admitting they sucked, dusting yourself off and moving forward. It can actually be done in this exact order!

1 – Admit you’ve fallen down

First, give yourself some compassion – only you know how hard it really has been for you, and you’re very strong for having endured whatever you had to. If you would give compassion to a friend in the same situation, then freely give it to yourself – you deserve it. This helps to overcome the need to attract others’ attention to your problems in search of understanding. There’s plenty of compassion inside of you waiting to be unlocked, and once you allow it to soothe your own feelings, you will soon start feeling strong enough to move forward.

2 – Get up off the ground

So, you’ve experienced a knock-down or unfairness from life, acknowledged it, and now what? Now is the time to understand that you’re through. It’s been tough, but you made it – and you still have what it takes to get up and set your sights in a new direction! Motivation won’t come back all at once, but if you purposely decide to find something worthy to live and strive for, you will arrive at a point where the past no longer matters. It’s done, and now there’re new goals waiting to be achieved – you’re ready to live with a smile on your face again! Or, if you’ve never done so before, you are now willing to try showing off this beautiful smile of yours every day, because it will simply make your life way more enjoyable, and others’ – a little brighter!

3 – Keep walking

This is the part that will ultimately determine whether we succeed to stop feeling like a victim or lie back down, even after the worst is long over. And it’s extremely simple. To not fall again at this stage, we just need progress. Any progress will do. Whatever step forward you take by your own will – start going to a gym or regular therapy to become healthier, find a better job or apartment, make a new friend – will take you further away from the place you’ve fallen and onto new roads. From then on, you’re nobody’s victim – the power to move forward towards the future YOU want is in your hands!

Bonus step – Walk an extra mile

When you realise you are strong enough to get up after pretty much any hit from life, you become invincible and unstoppable. That can be done if you choose to not only stop feeling like a victim and follow your own new direction, but also set yourself a higher standard. This fall has tested your mettle, and you passed the test. Let this become a testament to your endurance and proof you can face an even bigger challenge, if you have to. Now, all you’ve got left is to choose a challenge that is worthy of your time and energy, and just go for it! Prove yourself YOU hold the reins in your life, despite any adverse circumstances!

The people we look up to haven’t stopped at illness, heartbreak, deprivation or loss to achieve what they truly wanted. Why should you? As long as you get up after every hit in life, nothing can stop you from going after what you want! 

Enjoy your journey!

Thank you for reading, it’s always lovely seeing you here ❤ And please support this blog by following it, as well as liking and sharing the post! 

 

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