Have you had trouble giving your all to a new project or relationship, just because a similar situation has gone awry in the past? This article talks about how to believe in good outcomes even if you’ve seen not-so-good ones.
Once we’ve suffered a major disappointment – be it in love, family relationships or on the career front – we become more guarded about opening up to new people and opportunities. What if there’s something you don’t know about the situation that could change it for the worse in a heartbeat? What if it gets snatched from right after your nose just as you start to appreciate it?
These are all valid concerns, but they shouldn’t prevent you from trusting in the endless potential behind what is given, right here and now. Restricting yourself from working whole-heartedly on the current relationship or job just because it may be fleeting actually can cause it to fleet. You don’t want to sabotage your present trying to avoid the hurt of past experiences.
Have you ever tried growing a flower in your garden? Sometimes, even when you try to give it everything necessary to flourish, it may not happen in the first season – the weather may be too harsh, the soil may not have enough nutrition, or maybe the conditions you have created for them (moisture, space to grow, etc.) were not fertile enough. By the time the next season rolls around, you may be less excited about the plants, and without even noticing start putting less and less effort towards creating the perfect environment for them. Sure, you had to wait too long, and the previous try didn’t end in a magnificent flower bed. But this attitude isn’t conducive of success this time around. The new flowers need just as much of your attention as the previous, if not more. Give it to them, and you will see your garden liven up by springtime!
So, we may not even notice right away how we put less effort towards the now due to a past disappointment, but it chips away at the possibility of making a success of the current circumstance. An effective way to cut this sneaky self-destructive pattern out of your life is by consciously deciding to be brave enough to give whatever situation you are in right now your all. No holding back, no “what if it doesn’t work out?” – just assume that it does, and if it doesn’t you can always course-correct – simple as that. It is a much more empowered position to be in than a defensive stance, which actually blocks positive developments instead of preventing negative ones. This change of mind will focus your efforts on doing everything that’s in your power to ensure a good outcome, rather than on attracting a bad one by being so afraid of it.
Fear makes our mind exaggerate the possible negatives and diminish the possible positives of our actions. But you can fight back by firmly believing that good outcomes are 100% guaranteed if you simply give the situation you are in your best shot. What hinders your belief that this time it may all just work out is the negative side of gaining experience – becoming cynical. But you want to learn from the past without growing a thick shell of disbelief in good outcomes, right? Remember how as children we all believed that we would just go into the world, do our best, and everything would simply work out? Reboot your grown, jaded system back to this belief, and you will find it easier to move forward with your projects and relationships without holding back.
At first, it may seem that such childlike unyielding trust in your ability to make things work does not work for the real, adult world. But if you think about it, most of the time when we put our best foot forward, we do receive dividends down the line. It is more obvious when our endeavours come to full fruition, of course. But even when some relationships and projects fall apart, despite the effort invested, the next opportunity you catch brings you the rewards of all past learnings and experiences.
Really, try this – briefly remember your previous workplace or relationship and the current one. Do you see the difference? Is it positive? And would you trade the new situation for the old if you had a chance? (Feel free to tell in the comments, it would be lovely to hear your experience!)
Just remember – you couldn’t have got the new situation if you didn’t work on the previous one to the best of your ability, and didn’t learn from it. Do the same for your present, and you are guaranteed to reap rewards – be it sooner or later.
Caring enough to give your all in perfect trust that it will come back is hard, but it brings tremendous rewards. So, no matter how many times you’ve been burnt and unappreciated, keep going forward, and be brave enough to care.
Enjoy your journey!
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